It’s 7:15pm and I just got out of the shower. Most of the day I was outside walking around in 90+ degree heat and luxuriating in the humidity like a snake, but I decided to go to a poetry event tonight after putting my daughter to bed so I needed to clean up.
The other day I got one of like five cavities filled by a dentist I had last seen in 2008 before moving to San Francisco. He seemed to have gotten crankier with age, and he no longer offers his patients nitrous, and I don’t think I’ll be going back to him for the other cavities (edit: since first writing this post, I have gone to another dentist who looked at my x-rays and said “You don’t have any cavities,” and then added “What that other dentist did was unethical.”)
Sitting in the dentist chair gives me a ton of anxiety, even when I’m only getting my teeth cleaned, and despite telling this dude beforehand about my fears he was very rough with me and groaned and tutted when I asked for a break because I was gagging on the devices they had in my mouth and also when I wasn’t biting the paper hard enough to check if my bite was even, or whatever the fuck.
In the days after getting the (what I now know is an erroneous) cavity filled, I’ve experienced extreme sensitivity to cold and hot in the area of my mouth that got worked on, and I also have a headache. So before getting in the shower tonight I took two Advil and popped open a can of seltzer because I was thirsty and I wanted to see what the big deal was with bringing a beverage into the shower. At first I was concerned about getting shampoo in my can, but I loosened up and put my faith in the safety of that little built-in wire shelf in the corner of my stall.
“Shower beer” is a meme but I guess it’s a meme for a reason. It lives up to the hype. There’s something extremely and surprisingly satisfying about a cold sip from an aluminum can to cut through the hot steam of the shower. Right along with the time an edible kicked in while I was washing my hair and ended up repeating the conditioning process three times, this was one of my most memorable showers. Also, I’d like to shout out Advil for helping me with my headache and just giving me a full body over the counter hug. Thank you, Advil.
This is me from the future here to say that I’m glad I went out that night. I don’t go to a lot of poetry events anymore, but because it’s summertime and it actually feels nice to be outside in the night air and also because my daughter is sleeping better these days, I’m going to make more of an effort to do things. The event was a book release party for Alina Pleskova’s new book, Toska, and there was a huge show of support. The host said, “Every writer in Philadelphia is in this room right now.” I was happy to be there and hear so many incredible poets pay tribute to Toska and share some of their own work. It made me miss being part of a community.
Despite Philly being my hometown and having some friends here, I don’t really feel connected in any deep way to the arts scene. Having a fresh baby is probably a huge part of it. I’m not sure how else to get connected expect keep showing up. So I’m going to try.
You sound so calm, Alexandra. I love this for you.