If you're not doing it, quit talking about it
vying for the most perfect approximation of what I see in my head
I was reading my horoscope a week or two ago and it was a smack in the face. Does that ever happen to you? When your weekly reading confronts you with some pesky thing you’ve been trying to avoid thinking about?
Chani Nicholas is an astrologer whose newsletter I’m subscribed to by email. She does extremely comprehensive readings of what’s going on in the sky and how celestial bodies and their movements relate to the signs of the zodiac, and her emails are always insightful and fun to read. I’m not an expert by any means, but I’ve definitely learned more about astrology just by reading her newsletters. Her stuff is getting published on Oprah’s site now, which is awesome. I hope she’s getting paid well, a lot of work and research clearly goes into her posts.
What stunned me recently was Chani’s update for Libra sun during Sagittarius season:
Eclipse Season wants you to clear your calendars and ready yourself for what is to come. With big things on the horizon, you need your time and energy back from distracting and unnecessary activities. The less you talk about getting where you need to go, the more energy you have to get there. Keep quiet about what is still forming so that you can better stay attuned to it.
I took this to mean that I should stop writing about writing and actually just start writing.
When I started this newsletter I thought that talking about my writing process (and current lack thereof) would incentivize me to finish the first draft. Every part of me wants to start writing again, and a part of me might even need to finish the novel as a way to put something to rest, but I’m still scared. Whatever end result I get to will not be perfect, and I understand that. I’m grappling with the perfectionist within me to try to get to the most perfect approximation of what I see in my head. The fear that I won’t be able to arrive at there on paper, and knowing that it will be difficult, is keeping me from starting.
Does anyone else have this issue? How do you overcome the fear? Maybe a better question is, how do you overcome yourself? I’ll probably talk about this in therapy lol.
Another month has come and gone and I still have not opened the word document containing my novel in progress. Earlier this month I told myself that I would spend time with the document over Thanksgiving break, but like an unwanted call I managed to completely ignore it. I’m not working on it. I am writing other stuff, though, and every time I write about writing in this newsletter I remind myself that I need to be kinder to myself. So I do believe that writing about this process (and it is a process, I am thinking about this novel all the time and working out scenes in my head and making notes in a notebook) is helpful. I also agree that I should focus more energy into trying to write.
In the meantime, I can talk about things that I am actively doing, like getting a new Be About It zine ready for printing, and hosting a Be About It zine party this Wednesday, December 2 at 6:15pm PST in honor of the Britney Blackout zine and Britney Spear’s birthday. It should be a fun time, and I hope you can come. I bought a blonde wig and a sequined bra and I plan on dressing up like Britney at the 2007 MTV Video Music Awards. Costumes and Britney looks are optional but encouraged. There will be featured readings from Mitchell Glazier, Levis Keltner, Leza Cantoral, Carrie Hunter, Alex Russell, Stephanie Valente, Rachelle Toarmino, Zoe Contros Kearl, M; Margo, Kristin Garth, and more.
It will be on zoom, and I have all the security settings up so we don’t get bombed. Please register in advance and I’ll send a link to the party on Wednesday.